Scarlet's P.O.V
The day went passed in a breeze. Sound checks and practice went faster than I thought. My stomach had swarming butterflies. I don't know why, but they were worse today. Maybe its because I'm playing in my home city, and that's pretty damn cool. I'm apart of a band and I have a sweet boyfriend. I still get the nightmares, sometimes. But not as much. Everything is getting better, everything is climbing. This, although it wasn't at first, is the dream, I am living my dream.
Shit. The doors were open. 30 minutes till showtime. I started randomly tapping on my leg with the drumsticks biting my lip nervously.
"Hey, why so nervous?" Tyler said sitting next to me on the spare speakers.
"I dunno, home I guess? Playing in front of people I know?" I remembered so many of my friends from years ago would be here.
"You'll be great you always are." With that he got up and chatted with the stage manager.
Andy came over and gave me a hug. We sat together talking about random shit. 1 minute to go and I started freaking out.
"Calm down Star, you're ok. You'll be awesome. I know it." He kissed me for a few seconds and I didn't want him to let go.
"I don't think I can do this..."
"Too late, your band is on stage!" Andy pushed me into stage and my drumsticks flew out my hands. I landed on the floor. The crowd was a mixture of claps, cheers, laughs and just full on screaming.
I muttered under my breath, glaring at Andy then got up, brushing myself off and fixing my hair.
"You OK there Scarlet?" I hear Tyler say through my earpiece. He laughed like 'hehehe' and the crowd laughed and cheered. I had reached the drum set by this time and have a little solo as a reply. "We're Breaking Bulletproof Glass, this is our first time playing in London, but from what I can see, this will be fucking amazing!"
The crowd cheered and we started playing. We played through our set. I was given the chance to say a few things. "Ello ello ello, London!" There was a cheer and I continued. "It's been a while since I was here. And shit didn't go so well. But I missed home and holy shit! I'm playing my home town!"
We finished and went off stage. Oh my god. That was so awesome! I easily remember being one of those fans of the main band but enjoying and appreciating the support with the ticket I spent at least 3 months collecting the money for.
Andy gave me a thumbs up before going onto stage with Black Veil Brides. I listened to them through the whole set even though I had like a bunch of times before. I kept watching Andy as he walked around the stage, well I say walked, its actually a bunch of things. I am such a lucky motherfucker to have this sweet son of a bitch.
After they came off after the encore, the fans were screaming and started leaving the auditorium. I gave Andy a 'well done' hug and a kiss then set off outside. A few people recognized me and asked for autographs, which I gave and photos, which I took. I spotted some of my friends and gave them hugs and then finally found Jason and his boyfriend.
Brixton, isn't very safe, but we walked around anyway. We was going to go and get a drink from this pub that Jason and Ian met in. It might be a gay bar, but they're dragging me to find out anyway. Either we walked 20 minutes around the building to get to the other side, or take 2 by going through the alleyway. Apparently it was ok because the two boys had done it a thousand times before.
We started walking and I was choked by the strong smell of weed and sewage. We continued to walk when this group of, what I'm assuming, guys or very big girls, came up to us dressed in black with this thing over their mouths.
"You got money?" One of them asked getting right up close to me, holy shit did he stink.
"No," Jason replied for me.
"Was I talking to you? No," the same man replied in the slangy London accent.
"Fuck you man, leave us alone, what's your problem?" Ian spat.
"You wanna fight? You wanna fight?" Another person in the group piped up, kissing his teeth.
"No, fuck off, go home to your mumma's they're probably wondering why you haven't got the money to pay the rent," Jason glared at them.
One of the guys pushed Jace. Jace automatically grabbed onto him and punched him in the nose. There was a crack and the guy fell away, holding his nose while blood seeped onto his hand and through the material.
Another guy attacked, kicking Jason straight into the stomach. Jason fell down and time stopped. The original guy started walking around Jason as he tried to get the air back into his lungs and coughed violently. I heard laughter as a pocket knife was flicked open. I heard myself scream and turned to Ian who had his hand over his mouth shaking his head.
I shouted stop and help but the guy put the knife in motion. The knife slid into Jason.
I felt a thud and saw blackness. Then there were blue and red lights, I heard people running and shouting. I heard sirens. I saw the blurry figures pick Jason up. People from the gig started crowding round the scene. The people had run off and I felt like... like I wanted to die.
"Scarlett! Scarlett, are you ok?" I heard someone call, but they were too blurry and my head was spinning violently. I felt myself lifted and arms enclose me. I rested my head on them. I knew who it was, I recognized the smell and his hold. Andy.
I nodded which made my head rush through with pain.
I waited outside the hospital room with Ian who was also crying. I was preparing myself for the worst. He wouldn' make it, I know where he was stabbed. He wouldn't get through it.
I closed my eyes, wishing that when I opened them, he would be strutting out the door smirking and telling us off for sitting around like losers.
We were supposed to be back on the road, so, everyone has left but me and Andy. Andy insisted he would stay and that we would both try and make it for the show tomorrow by taxi.
I opened my eyes. Ian was talking to the doctor, his hand running through his hair and stopping at his neck, he was nodding and looked like he was in a lot of pain. I knew what it was. They couldn't;t save him. Ian looked over to me, his eyes confirming it. The doctor let us in.
He was under a lot of anesthetic. His eyes were closed and his face was pale. There was a bandage where his blood seeped through. The heart monitor had un even heart beats.
"I' sorry Jacey, I'm sorry," I sobbed falling to his side on my knees. I held his hand, resting my head on the side. Ian held the other. Jace's parents had been stuck in traffic as soon as they heard the news and left work.
I felt his hand move a bit and softly closed around mine, it made me cry more and I pressed my lips against it begging for a miracle. There would be no miracle, the short beeping sounds slowed until it was just one dead tone. His hand went limp and I felt numb. There's nothing much left for me now. I've lost too many people.
Me and Andy were staying in the hotel an extra night, but I wanted to stay here. I wanted to stay with my bestfriend.
Ian's parents gently pulled a shaking Ian up, there were no tears, just, blankness. I had heard him say I love you to Jason so many times before the end.
Andy helped me up and took me to the hotel. I laid in bed with him, not crying, just staring out. He held me close. When he fell asleep, I got up and took pen and paper out of my bag. I started writing.
To everyone,
I never thought that I, of all people would be writing something like this. I thought that I could keep going. No one can say that I would heal over time. That ship sailed long ago. I feel numb. I can't keep losing people I love like this anymore. I can't keep doing this. It's not living, it's not even surviving, it's struggling to not die. But I don't wnat to struggle anymore. I'm done.
I love all of you. Thankyou so much Tyler for taking me and to Jack and Hayley for letting me in the band. Thank you BVB for helping me get through, all of this. Serena, guys at school, thanks for accepting me. Everyone, thank you.
Andy, please, I know it might be a little hard but keep going. Find someone else, fall in love with someone else. You did everything you could to get me from struggling, to surviving to living. I love you.
Scarlet x
I realized as I was slipping away, was all I had wanted in the first place.
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